Learning to Trust Ourselves
Learning to Trust Ourselves
Hold my hand and guide me
through this world of darkness
where nothing holds true...
where sin is cheap and life is cheaper
where nights are dark
the days even darker
where friends are foes in their laughter
a shadow
astonishing in peril
how easy they let go...
Hold my hand and hold it true
and the same for You
I would do laugh with me
and I'll laugh with You
I trust You and You alone
feel You are someone
I forever own
I know You will never leave me
I know You will never judge me
You are everything,
the paragon of perfection
yet You are nothing
but my reflection…
~Rumi
The Garden of Rumi's Poetry
I was reading this poem recently, and it reminded me that our goal is to understand how precious and perfect we are. With all of our imperfections, the goal is love, especially self-love, without judgment. If we honor and are true to ourselves, we will have a solid relationship with ourselves. Nurturing our own inner world is what helps us trust ourselves. When we look outside for validation and recognition at the expense of our own nurturance, we dishonor ourselves. We do this with every self-judgment. When we begin to distrust ourselves, we look outside for validation, which only supports our internal distrust of ourselves—when what we really need is our own validation, respect, and love.
Learning to trust ourselves is an important aspect of personal growth and self-confidence. Last week we explored all the reasons we distrust ourselves, but how do we develop that thriving inner relationship and rebuild our self-trust? The strategies below can help us focus in and help our inner selves start to believe that we are taking care of and prioritizing ourselves. We need to know that we will understand, value, and protect ourselves before we can really trust ourselves to make important decisions.
Practice Mindfulness: Cultivate mindfulness through practices such as meditation, deep breathing, or journaling. By tuning into the present moment and observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment, you can develop greater self-awareness and trust in yourself.
Reflect on Your Values and Beliefs, and Set Boundaries: Take time to identify your core values, beliefs, and priorities. Understanding what matters most to you can provide a foundation for making decisions and trusting yourself to act in alignment with your values. Establish clear boundaries that honor your needs, values, and personal limits. Learning to say no when necessary and assert your boundaries can help you build trust in yourself to prioritize your well-being.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when faced with challenges or setbacks. Develop more self-compassion by acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses without judgment.
Listen to Your Intuition: Pay attention to your gut feelings and inner wisdom. Trust your intuition as a valuable source of guidance and insight, especially when making decisions that align with your values and goals. Reflect on past successes, when you made decisions or took actions that led to positive outcomes can help with this.
Seek Support and Feedback: Surround yourself with supportive friends, family members, or mentors who believe in you and can provide constructive feedback when needed. Having a support system can boost your confidence and reassure you in your abilities.
Take Risks and Embrace Failure: Step outside of your comfort zone and take calculated risks that challenge you to grow. Embrace the possibility of failure as a natural part of the learning process and an opportunity to learn and improve. Really lean into and continue to develop your growth mindset.
Start Small and Celebrate Your Progress: Begin by making small decisions and commitments to yourself. As you follow through on these promises, you'll build confidence in your ability to trust your instincts and judgment. Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Recognizing your successes reinforces your belief in yourself and strengthens your self-trust over time.
Remember that building self-trust is a gradual process that requires patience, self-awareness, and practice. It’s not going to happen all at once, but if we can use some of these strategies consistently, that trust will come. As we trust ourselves more, we’ll feel more confident, and more able to make important (and even trivial) decisions.
Does all of this seem a little daunting? If you’re not sure how to get started, or which areas might have the most impact on your specific situation, come chat with me during my free office hours on Facebook every 2nd and 4th Saturday at 11 AM MST, or contact me on my website. You’ve got this. You just need to make sure you believe that.